Filed under: pretty words
She put on a crucifix because she was cold.
Do you like it? Is it poignant? I feel deep because I’m listening to Cat Power and Jeff Buckley at the same time. But anyways, I like it. It sums up this round of sad pretty well. Some body at work hurt my feelings and now I’m scared to go in.
Do you know how hard it is to help people? I want to help. I want to work hard and learn how to help heal people who don’t have money to pay for it, but they are making it darn near impossible for me to do that. No not they, there is no they, it’s just that I’m not alone, it’s just that many people want to do just the same thing, and I guess that’s not so bad. Bunches of people waiting in line to help. I like that image, almost as much as I like the image of shivering girls wearing crosses.
It’s not somebody who’s seen the light, it’s a cold and it’s a broken hallelujah.
It must be the colors and the kids that keep me alive, cuz the music is boring me death.
But it’s more like this:
It’s It not must somebody just who’s be seen the the colors light, and it’s the a kids cold cuz and the it’s music a is broken boring hallelujah me to death.
Hallelujah me to death.
do you ever dream in black and white?
does the beauty blow you away?
I saw you once
I started
but it wasn’t you
I wondered that seeing you could make my heart race
it must be a good thing
or at least not bad.
oh I see you,
you who fell down
we get so lost these days
hold on.
do you mind if i slip by?
I’m not terribly large
I won’t use much space
I just need to be over there
and you are in my way
so if you wouldn’t mind
I’d just like to keep going
if it isn’t too much trouble
it’s beautiful isn’t it?
slipping through
dissolving
watching it all disappear
and reappear
a new less perfect
more random
more affected
and you understood
everything
everything
all
total
&
etc.
There’s just too much.
motion just motion can solve it all.
jump with me,
let’s run
far
farther
till we’re spent
and breathless.
Shhh.. we’re falling through it
but we’ll make it
I can see the other side
we’re going to make it
even if you don’t believe
if you give up and sit down
it’s ok
I’ll bring it back to you
it’s ok to be gray you can always wear lipstick, and if you don’t want to, I still think you’re beautiful
and if the color overwhelms you, and drown you out, and you’re afraid of disappearing, don’t worry, i’ll find you, I think you’re brilliant.
Filed under: memories
I’m staying up late because there’s no one to call me to bed. I’m sure you’re asleep, and I hope you’re sleeping well.
I’ll sleep better now that you’re gone because I won’t go to bed before I’m tired. I’ll stay up till it’s my time, and then my sleeping in will make more sense. And you, who knows, maybe you’ll go back to sleeping in, maybe you won’t feel compelled to throw yourself at the day when you have more personal time. Don’t tell me if you do. It would hurt my feelings. I always wanted us to sleep in together, but it really never happened. It’s funny the things you miss from past partners, like laying around doing nothing, you never wanted to do that. That might be all I want to do. I’m going to sit in bed till I’m used to you not coming home. I’ll just sit here till I don’t expect you, and then I’ll know I’m better.
Filed under: memories
You are packing your things. It’s time to move on. There’s nothing left to say, our time is up.
You’re looking for shampoo, it’s all very normal, cordial. I am laying here, it seems inappropriate to help.
Tonight you will sleep alone, and I will not, the dog is staying with me; so it is certain that you will feel more lonely. You will be in strange surroundings, and you might wonder if it’s for the best. But you are so certain that it is.
I don’t have to think, life is happening to me, but I accept responsibility. I have thought and I know I didn’t try hard enough for us to succeed, but hard enough for us to fail gracefully. Right now that seems good enough.
I feel tired and quiet and sad. That seems appropriate.
Everything is going as planned, just another parting.
Filed under: memories
I don’t know why I don’t cry for you.
why I’ve cried more for those I hardly knew.
My therapist asks me if I ever Loved you,
I tell her it doesn’t matter, that you never Loved me.
She doesn’t understand
why I can’t Love unless I’m adored.
But how could I feel safe with less?
They make me feel like I’m cold, smiling as I do.
But I’m not quite as fine as I seem.
I have no attention all my desire is scattered, and I’m sure that’s not how it should be.
If you asked me what I wanted, I’d stare at you, perplexed, I just don’t know, is what I would tell you, but that would be wrong. I don’t want anything.
From anyone, just now.
