Rabbit Droppings

If you are playing life to win, you’ve probably lost the plot.

July 27, 2009
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I have taken to biking around my small urban wonderland, and I have found that cars are often in competition with me, irritated that I pull to the front at red lights and try to peddle safely out of the way of the opening doors of parked cars.  I would like to now concede this battle and let all the drivers know that they are victorious they are the clear winners in any battle, they can accelerate quicker than me and in a head to head battle I would be handily defeated.  SO with that out of the way, and with my hanging my head in shame would they please just let me do my thing and stop putting my life in danger.


Safety

May 23, 2007
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joris_and_joy.jpg
I am so happy to be here in bed.

Yes, you do appear to be so.

I would like it very much if I could never leave.

Well, that seems a bit extreme don’t you think?

No, when I was younger girl I used to make a circle in the middle of the room. There was only one room, if you don’t count the kitchen or the bathroom because my mother lived in a studio apartment; anyways, I would make a circle in the middle of the room out of my toys and stuffed animals, and I would stay in the middle of the circle as if the boundary of my things were the boundaries of a ship. I would wear this shirt of my mothers that made me look like a flower child because I thought it made me look like a witch, which I very much wanted to be. The point is I liked to be enclosed by things I liked, it made me feel safe.

I think I lost you.

My room makes me feel safe.

Do you feel unsafe outside of your room?

I am unsafe outside of my room.

How do you mean?

Well, there are Very Crazy People out there, and they are just waiting for some reason to unleash their unpredictable ways on unsuspecting rationalists.

This is a very strange dialogue.

Yes, but I like it’s pace.

Do you think that this fear will grow until you are one of those crazy people who are afraid to leave the house?

I don’t think those people are so crazy.

That’s not my point.

I don’t really know, as things stand, it would be quite impractical for me to indulge my desires to stay in bed. I mean, I need to earn resources to retain the location of my bed.

What?

I need to make money to pay for my room, BUT if I were a rich girl it is likely I would be an eccentric rich girl.

In what ways.

In that I wouldn’t leave the house.

Hmm… So in some ways your lack of resources keep you from going completely insane.

I wouldn’t put it that way.

No, I doubt you would.

I think that a desire to avoid irrational people is rational.

-But impossible.

Well, if your going to insist on being so negative…

Congratulations!

On what?

On getting to be in bed right now, even if not forever.

Oh! well, Thank you. I suppose you’re right, enjoy what you have when you have it, because you never know when someone’s going to start harassing you with fallacies, and Loud Words


Credit

April 14, 2007
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I feel nauseous and short of breath, some of the lesser known symptoms of poverty. I just went online to pay a credit card bill to find an alert that I’m behind one payment. Not only is this a 39$ charge, but it also presents the threat that they will raise my finance fee like my other credit card did. This has the added effect of dampening my hope of transferring debt from a higher to lower interest rate card in some small effort to curb what is coming close to a hundred dollars a month in interest fees.

My hatred of the people who allow me the luxuries of this life is growing to ulcer creating proportions. And my debt load is small compared to most of my friends. These people, who allow us the simplicities of not hauling our hard earned cash from place to place, are making money on all conceivable ends. Not only do they get extra money for every month you put off paying for that burger you had last Wednesday, but they get a cut straight off the top from the restaurant who is charged a service fee for providing the service of allowing you to pay in plastic, and you know what else? You pay for that too. As credit card usage increases merchants are forced to pass that fee along to you in the form of more expensive burgers. You can see this directly reflected in a growing trend at gas stations charging more per gallon for credit card than cash.

People are making so much money off of money in non investment type ways it’s breathtaking. You pay for banks, and checks, and credit cards, and none of these things do anything for you other than allowing you to transfer money all over the place with relative ease.

My desire to pay off my credit cards and put them away has grown to such it can better be described as lust. But even when I get there I can’t get rid of them completely, no no, they are not merely conveniences anymore, they are how the world judges your worth as an investment. You need to show you can use these things wisely or you’re not only going to have problems getting a home, but you might also have problems getting a job. It’s becoming more and more common for employers to do credit checks on prospect employees.

Tyler Durden is starting to seem like a pretty level headed guy.

I’m filing this under bad sex cuz in sure feels like I’m getting f%cked in an uncomfortable place.


Discount Spoons

April 10, 2007
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You don’t have to be born with a silver spoon.

You can buy one at discount.

And you can eat with it like it’s all you’ve ever known.

But then, when it’s dirty, you throw it in the dishwasher with everything else.

Soon it’s tarnished, the silver plating wearing away to show nickel underneath.

Somehow, you’ll always show.


money

December 14, 2006
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I feel like I’m floundering. The list of things I need to take care of keep piling up, and to make things so much worse, my car just broke down. I know, I’m not supposed to need a car in San Francisco, but my life is really set up for one, and with my tendency towards laziness, my life will pretty much unravel if left to public transportation’s devices.

I also have a problem with a little troll who keeps following me around and taking my money, I haven’t seen him yet, but I know he’s there, because the money is not. Man, money is such a problem right now. It makes me feel like such an adult, because when I was a kid it seemed all adults ever talked about was money or lack of it anyways, and here I am, not usually talking about it so much, but more and more lately because I’m starting to feel like I’m drowning. It’s pretty scary actually.

I can feel this little hole in one of my back teeth that is slowly getting bigger, and the longer I wait to fix it the more expensive it’s going to be, but that’s the catch-22 of poverty. You wait to fix things till you can’t wait any more, because they hurt or won’t function any longer, and by that time they’re expensive. So you get poorer.

I’ve just stopped paying bills, don’t tell my roommates. No don’t worry, they aren’t paying them either. I was paying bills and forgetting to ask them for the money, because I’m lazy really, and now I just don’t want to deal with it anymore, no more bills, no more rent, no more car. Just me, a box, and the street. But really, I’m too lazy for that too. I hate being cold, and I Love sleeping on a big comfy bed.

I’m supposed to buy presents for people this month; take my place in line with the throngs of shoppers, and normally I would just put stuff on credit cards, but I just don’t have the stomach for it this year, all I want for Christmas is to be out of credit card debt.

In a month I will have to buy books for school again, this will cost me about a hundred a book, maybe more. Even cheap education ain’t that cheap. And the big question mark in this financial mess is rent. Our lease come up this January, and since they raised our rent so much last year I’m hoping against hope they lower it this year, or at the very least don’t raise it anymore. I’m not sure what I’ll do if they raise it. I’m not sure what I’ll do for any of this, just keep going I guess. My only consolation is that no one is relying on me, when my parents talked about money, they had to feed me, and I can’t even imagine the stress of that right now.


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